Category Archives: Self-doubt

Everybody Just Do A Little Wake Up

Good morning, all. A poem for your thoughts? A poem for your feelings? I long to share and share too long. What would you have me do? What would you ask of me? A man in a box, a box for a man. What’s inside? Even if you shake it, beware the cat! For it may not be dead. Oh how it feels to receive a gift. Today I have for you a poem I wrote yesterday, thinking of my favorite writer. Please enjoy, my many friends, allies and associates. (Those not in the aforementioned categories may perish).

Mana Burn

Heart’s desire

A gun for hire

Taken care of

Oh so gently

Oh so kindly

Compassion’s sweet embrace

A mercy

To you

Must be done

Suffering must abate

Won’t be long

Winter’s over

Spring is here

Thy will be done

Down a pill, just for fun

Far away from the pier

A single little lit lantern

Lightning strikes a lonely light

Focus from the fire

So too does your soul burn

We’ll See, I Suppose

Good afternoon, friends. I am very tired today. Very tired for a long time now. I don’t believe it’s quite coming to a head. This is just how it is now. I won’t ever give up, of course. I refuse. I will keep going. Keep doing my best. It doesn’t get easier, but it does get easier. My dreams will not be just dreams. Perception is reality. We can all take a lesson from that, I think. Finding myself never stops. Finding yourself never stops. That’s the fun part. Somewhat sad poem for you today. Maybe I’m easier to figure out than I think.

Self-Sufficient

You want me to be honest?

You want me to tell the truth?

I am tired.

I am spent.

I just need to go home and sleep.

Go home and be in my bed.

To stow and hide away my heart and mind.

To hold my broken heart in your hands.

How it must be to know such power.

Intoxicating, perhaps.

I only wish you would care for it

Cherish it, the way a lover would.

Sew me up

Put me back together

Pick up all my pieces but you’re missing the tape

I don’t hurt anymore

Just the slow thumping in my chest

My blood still flows just the same

Somehow it comes to pass that I breathe without lungs

Pump blood with no heart

See with no eyes

And touch with no hands

All things I give to you freely

That you take and take without recess

So that now I have nothing left

Except that I do

I am breathing

I am Seeing

And I am feeling

What Time Is It?

2:30 at the time of writing. “What time is it?” I ask again. Do you know what time it is? Look at the clock and trace the ticking arms with your eyes. Find the hour, find the minute. To the second even? Too late. Out of time. You still don’t know what time it is. How could you ever?

Cracks in the Clock

Every second is excruciating

Every minute acutely agonizing

Hours pass as years

And Days in decades

I have been sitting here for 90 minutes

I have been sitting here for 90 minutes

I can hardly believe

Everything changes in a Day

Everything changes in a minute

How’s it all so fast

When everything’s so slow?

Everything about me

juxtaposed

Incongruous

Broken and Fractured

Waiting to be raptured

Fighting with myself

At peace with myself

Loving myself and hating myself

A genius and a moron

A hero and a monster

A good man and a bad man

All at once

Driving me insane

The depths of my mind

Where to begin

Watching the dryer set to spin

Pins and needles swarm from the metronome

Tick and Tock

Stick and Shock

Kisses don’t…

It doesn’t matter

A Mouth to Scream

It is not a good morning. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I am screaming but no sound is coming out. No tears left to shed. A pit in my stomach that grows and grows as a necrotic tumor, rotting me from the inside out, and yet, it is still worse for others. I am not the focus. I am an optimist. This week has tested my resolve moreso than anything I have ever experienced before. Destroyed me more than anything I have ever before experienced before. I am broken and yet… It is worse for others. How might this be allowed to happen? An unjust God that allows his children to suffer and die. An unjust God whose injustice I will spend my life and afterlife righting, no matter the cost.

Clouds on a Clear Day

Grey skies

Here forever lies

The great beyond’s luminant violescence

Calling from the fold

No one’s picking up,

That’s my hand to hold

A pair of porcelain pillars

Reaching for the sky

Everything you said and did

It was all a lie

The light has faded

Replaced by the Other

The Outsider

One you do not recognize

Everything is wrong

A cross between the pillars

A call with no answer

Danger in the throng

Divinity failing

Lord God, a failure

This is all your fault

Guard your door with salt

Not very nice.

I don’t knock twice.

Powerpoint

Good morning. I have to go to the bathroom. Instead I am writing this post. Look at how I bleed for my art. Today I’ve got a little something that’ll make you feel a familiar feeling in a foreign fashion. Alliteration. Dunno if you guys know, but I’m kind of a writer. I crack myself up. Please enjoy today, all! I’m happy with how this turned out.

Projections

Losing my cool

Unravelling the spool

Burning the thread

All the gold’s been turned to lead

Always another, Always another

To tell you nothing of the ones we have

Hardware, hard wear

Your bicycle tire’s got a tear

“I’d love to help,” I lie

All I want is for this to not be happening

I wish that you I had not spied

I want to go home and laugh and sing

But home is gone and I am alone

I need to leave.

I need to go.

I need to run and hide from you and me and everything else

To be in Plato’s cave where all is safe and far away

Better to live in shadow

Than being sad, no?

My heart shatters like so many mirrors

Reflecting you and all the others

Too many pieces and not enough tape