self-study – Page 34 – Poems by Sam

What Time Is It?

2:30 at the time of writing. “What time is it?” I ask again. Do you know what time it is? Look at the clock and trace the ticking arms with your eyes. Find the hour, find the minute. To the second even? Too late. Out of time. You still don’t know what time it is. How could you ever?

Cracks in the Clock

Every second is excruciating

Every minute acutely agonizing

Hours pass as years

And Days in decades

I have been sitting here for 90 minutes

I can hardly believe

Everything changes in a Day

Everything changes in a minute

How’s it all so fast

When everything’s so slow?

Everything about me

juxtaposed

Incongruous

Broken and Fractured

Waiting to be raptured

Fighting with myself

At peace with myself

Loving myself and hating myself

A genius and a moron

A hero and a monster

A good man and a bad man

All at once

Driving me insane

The depths of my mind

Where to begin

Watching the dryer set to spin

Pins and needles swarm from the metronome

Tick and Tock

Stick and Shock

Kisses don’t…

It doesn’t matter

Cottage Core

Good morning. I am feeling better today. Slow-going, this healing. I hope all of you are having a wonderful day despite the many tribulations we face apart and together. You and me and we are strong. We’ll get through this. Just keep thinking about the peace you hope to achieve.

Ataraxia

Gently swinging from a tree

Arboreal Species

Holding onto vines

Never making wines

How I wish I were a monkey

Just a tiny little man

Cracking nuts with rocks and stones

Not understanding what’s coursing through my bones

I grasp and grab onto a branch

Happy with my mate

And my little babies too

This is a perfect world

Better than the zoo

Dreams and Nightmares

Good morning, friends. I am cautiously feeling better today. I slept well enough. No dreams, no nightmares. Gifts for my birthday though. I’m enjoying them so far. Time with family makes me not feel so lost. One day I hope to have the family of my own I’ve been dreaming of. Seems a long way away. For now it’s just my dreams and nightmares.

Abyssal Screams

Voices, voices in the deep

Voices, voices, see them steep

Drink your tea

Hear them speak

How the whispers louden

Almost to a screech

I hear them screaming

Always screaming

Scared, scared, scared

Alone

What’s a man to do?

Record your message at the tone…

Never there

Never ever ever there

Oh how the voices wear

Mind a fortress

Under siege

How long before?

The walls come crashing down

Herculean Feats

Afternoon, all. Today does not feel so bad a day. Does not feel so foreign a feeling. This pain will linger a long time, no doubt. It’s up to me to understand it. To make life what it should be. My love will stand strong, keeping me and others afloat. It must. There’s no other option. Without further ado:

Coffee

Peering into the well

Look upon the darkness inside

Smell its aromas

Feel its effects

A distraction

Simply distracting

Ripples in the black

Never sweet, take it back

Drinking from your chalice

Topping up on malice

Down the rabbit hole…

Went little Alice

The Queen of Cosmos peers down upon you

Or up

How can you be sure?

Her eyes Follow you

Issuing an Edict

Listen close

She only speaks it once

Ready for the seance

You speak to ghosts

And they reply

Watch out!

You’re burning the lye

How can you clean up all this mess

Absent any soap?

A Mouth to Scream

It is not a good morning. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I am screaming but no sound is coming out. No tears left to shed. A pit in my stomach that grows and grows as a necrotic tumor, rotting me from the inside out, and yet, it is still worse for others. I am not the focus. I am an optimist. This week has tested my resolve moreso than anything I have ever experienced before. Destroyed me more than anything I have ever before experienced before. I am broken and yet… It is worse for others. How might this be allowed to happen? An unjust God that allows his children to suffer and die. An unjust God whose injustice I will spend my life and afterlife righting, no matter the cost.

Clouds on a Clear Day

Grey skies

Here forever lies

The great beyond’s luminant violescence

Calling from the fold

No one’s picking up,

That’s my hand to hold

A pair of porcelain pillars

Reaching for the sky

Everything you said and did

It was all a lie

The light has faded

Replaced by the Other

The Outsider

One you do not recognize

Everything is wrong

A cross between the pillars

A call with no answer

Danger in the throng

Divinity failing

Lord God, a failure

This is all your fault

Guard your door with salt

Not very nice.

I don’t knock twice.